Whether you are trying to sell a product or trying to get laid, in the grand scheme of things, your words barely matter in determining the final result. If you talk to a sales “guru”, he’ll tell you that the words you use are everything and if you don’t get the sale, it’s because you messed up your sales pitch and “didn’t build enough rapport”. This is complete bullshit to someone with extensive sales experience, but to someone that is new to sales, this makes logical sense. After all, if a prospect was looking to buy a product, but they don’t buy anything, then there must be problem with the sales pitch, right? Not exactly.
I used to sell cars for a living and let me tell you, my words didn’t mean shit when it came time to negotiate the price of the vehicle. There were times where I schmoozed the customer so effectively that you would expect them to name their first son after me, but when it came time to negotiate the final price, they nickle and dimed me until all of the profit was squeezed out.
On the other hand, there were times where the customer and I barely talked and we didn’t even do a test drive, but they bought the vehicle at full pop with no price negotiation. Your words don’t mean shit. What matters is your customer’s expectations.
In the same vein, I’ve talked to girls where I’m super “smooth” and we make a deep connection about her hopes, dreams etc and I never see them again. I’ve also talked to girls for a few minutes, talking about nothing but fluff (school, work, or her race), and they were super eager to see me again. Your words don’t matter. What matters is the girl’s expectations.
“WHAT DO I SAY TO HER?”
You see your dream girl looking at melons in the produce isle and you feel an overwhelming urge to talk to her, but your mind gets filled with doubt, “What do I say to her?” The answer is simple – pretty much anything. Contrary to what relationship “gurus” claim, your words play very little part in whether a girl is attracted to you or not.
Obviously you can’t go to the extreme and say, “Hey bitch, wanna fuck?” But I’m assuming you’re a normal person and don’t speak that way to anyone, let alone a girl you’ve just met. Just talk like a normal person and you’re golden.
Whether or not you end up with a particular girl is primarily determined by her sexual availability (whether or not she’s open to meeting new men) and her physical attraction to you. Her sexual availability is a crap shoot and completely out of your control. The majority of women are NOT looking for a new guy and there won’t be a thing you can do about it. However, if she is open to meeting new men, then the next prerequisite is whether she finds you attractive or not.
By making yourself look as good as possible, you maximize your odds that she finds you attractive, however, there are no guarantees. Some girls will instantly trust you like they’ve known you for years, while others will look at you with distrust and suspicion no matter what you do. I’ve experienced this with girls that I’ve approached and customers that I’ve approached. Maybe they are just paranoid people in general, or maybe there’s just something about your look that sets off their alarm bells. Either way, as long as it doesn’t happen frequently, you just have to chalk it up as part of the numbers game and soldier on.
GOLD DIGGING CAVEAT
There are a few cases in which your words can increase a girl’s attraction for you and that occurs when you meet a gold digger. When an uninterested girl suddenly perks up when she finds out you have money or status, I guess you can say that your words “built attraction”, but it’s far from an ideal situation. She’s not attracted TO you, she’s attracted to what she can GET from you.
DIRECT VS INDIRECT
There’s always an endless debate between guys that favor direct approaches and guys that favor indirect approaches with each group claiming that their way of doing things is superior. Direct approaches are ones where the guy states his interest right off the bat:
“Hey, I thought you looked attractive and I wanted to see what you were like.”
“Hey, are you single?”
Indirect approaches are ones where the guy does not state his interest right off the bat, but instead reveals his interest later in the conversation:
“Hey, do you know how to get to Main station?”
“Thank you. What’s your name by the way?”
“I’m Tom” (Shakes hand) ‘Where are you heading?”
“Well (name), would you like to grab drinks or frozen yogurt sometime?”
Direct guys claim that approaching indirectly is “weak”, while approaching direct is more “dominant” and “masculine” and therefore yields better results, but it depends on how you define results. Sure, there will be a lot more girls that are flattered by you complimenting them, but in terms of actually getting girls in bed, the results are the same. It’s not like she gets turned off because you asked her a few questions before asking her out. If you got a date with a girl by being direct, you would’ve had the same result by being indirect.
In the same way, indirect guys jump to the same false conclusions claiming that telling girls that you are interested in them right off the bat is too fast and that you have to “build attraction” before you can safely reveal your interest. No. You will typically get fewer harsh rejections, but in terms of actually getting girls in bed, the results are the same. Again, it’s not like the girl will get turned off because you were direct and called her attractive right off the bat. If you got a date with a girl by being indirect, you would’ve had the same result by being direct.
The words don’t matter.
Most of the time, girls will barely even remember what you talked about when the approach is over, so don’t over think it. Use whatever feels comfortable for you to say.
What matters is that you talk like a normal person and ask her out – that’s it. If you can do that, it’s a good approach.
The odds of an approach succeeding can depend on the environment that you are in. If you indirectly approach a girl at a bar who THINKS she’s being super obvious with her attraction to you, it can downright piss her off. I was in a relationship at the time, but I once had a girl eyeballing me hard at the bar while standing right next to me and it caught me off guard, so I just spat out, “Is this the line for the bathroom?” She freaked out. “OMG! When’s the last time you got laid?!” She was so put off that I didn’t show her any interest that she followed me around and interrupted a conversation I was having with a guy she knew, “OMG, you KNOW this guy?! It was like I had killed her puppy or something.
When you’re at the bar looking to get laid, stick to being very direct, “What’s up sexy?”
On the other hand, being super direct can hurt your odds in certain environments. If you’re on a train and there are lots of people around, you can’t exactly say, “What’s up sexy?” Even if she would like nothing better than to jump on your cock, with all those other people listening, she will shut you down to preserve her reputation. In this environment, taking a more indirect approach will maximize you odds.
Your words barely matter, so don’t overthink things. The bulk of the sale or lay is determined before you even open your mouth. Just talk like a normal person, get to know them a bit, and ask for the sale/lay. Do that and you’re golden.