When you don’t know what you want in a girlfriend it becomes very easy to settle into a relationship with a girl that you know deep down isn’t what you really want. When you first date a girl that doesn’t quite fit the requirements that are important to you, it can be very tempting to think that you can just change her into being your dream girl. This is not a good idea. Let me explain.
For me personally, when I’m screening for a girlfriend, one of the things that I look for are girls that like to work out and take pride in their appearance. This is very important to me over the long term. A girl with these attributes is far more likely to stay sexy even in old age should we last that long. It’s not enough for a young girl just to be hot and in shape, I want to know that she’ll work hard to stay hot as she gets older. If she already has exercise habits when she is young, it’s unlikely that she’ll let herself go if we have kids in the future.
I remember being in relationships in the past where the girl was young and in shape, but she hated working out, thought it was a waste of time, and preferred to make money instead. It’s not that she was lazy, she just didn’t feel a strong desire to work out, so working out never became a habit. This belief was always a major thorn in my side. Every time I’d hit the gym, I’d see hot chicks at the gym working out with their boyfriends, maximizing their health and hotness. It made my blood boil.
Problems arise when you think you can just motivate, manipulate, or force your girlfriend to acquire the attributes that are important to you. Sure, you can change her temporarily, but if she is not internally motivated to like working out, the changes will not last and you’ll have to deal with plenty of drama for your trouble.
It’s not fair to your girl if you just settled into a relationship with the hopes of transforming her into what you really want. I guarantee there will be plenty of drama involved as you go about this “transformation” which she doesn’t deserve. Save yourself and your girl all the hassle and find a girl that already has the qualities that you want – it’s better for the both of you.
Just imagine how it would feel if the roles were reversed. Imagine you are a starving musician and your girlfriend of course has dreams of getting married and starting a family. She may start off not caring about how little money you make, but eventually she’s going to start trying to transform you into someone that can provide for a family. You of course love the musician life and have no desire to go back to school to become an accountant or something, but here is your girl trying to convince you to give up on your dreams and get a “real job”. It’s impossible for both of you to be happy now. Either you give up your dreams and become a corporate stooge all the while resenting your girlfriend, or you carry on trying to make it big in music industry while she resents you for not living up to standard that she set for you.
Your dream girl as to be your dream girl from the start. You can’t transform a girl into your dream girl. Trying to do so will just lead to frustration and drama for the both of you. If you meet a girl that doesn’t meet your checklist, keep it casual and don’t date her. Most guys are pretty good at avoiding settling into relationships if they know what they want and keep things casual. Problems arise when you hook up with a girl that you’re not really crazy about, but as you date and spend more time with each other, you start to develop serious feelings and downplay her flaws until you eventually settle into a relationship with a girl that isn’t the right fit for you.
Every guy’s checklist for what’s important in a long term girlfriend is going to be different. Just remember not to get too carried away with your list like some of those chicks online looking for their non-existent Unicorn Man. Understand that the longer your list, the more girls you will be screening out, so choose wisely.
Here’s what mine looks like:
Works out consistently
Likes to dress up
Knows how to do make up
Likes to look her best
Consistently happy and positive
Looking at that list makes me sound like the most shallow guy on Earth, but that’s what is most important to me for a long term girlfriend or potential wife. All the personality stuff is also important, but girls with major personality flaws are easy to screen out. It’s very rare that I will screen a girl out of relationship contention because of her personality. Personally, I find that I get along with girls with all different types of personalities – as long as she’s happy and positive, we’re good.
Don’t date a Fixer-Upper. Trying to “fix” her will only lead to pain and frustration for the both of you. Know what’s important to you in a potential girlfriend and then screen hard until you find her. If a girl doesn’t have the qualities that are important to you, then keep things casual (no dates), so you don’t end up investing in a relationship that you know deep down isn’t what you really want.